In case you are not familiar with the Florida version of Bigfoot or bigfeet. Skunk apes are, according to witnesses, slightly smaller in stature than their northern and Pacific Northwest cousins the Sasquatch. I have heard rumors that Bigfoot and Sasquatch have been using the same personal trainers as much of the Russian National Team. I’m not saying they are on “The Juice” but I’m just sayin’! Skunky’s unfortunate nom de guerre comes from reports that say…how do I put this politely…he smells and smells a lot. Many compare the stench to that of a skunk. Hence skunk ape, which brings up some serious hygiene concerns.
What is with the Lima Beans??
Well, a somewhat well known person in the field of “critters that no one can prove exist” operates a website and museum dedicated to the pursue of the elusive skunk ape. On his website, he states that your best chance to see and photograph one of these critters is to use Lima Beans as bait because they love Lima Beans.
This begs the obvious question–”How does he know?” To the best of my knowledge, there are no pics of “Skunky” enjoying a plate of the legumes or a single product endorsement. I mean Sasquatch is all over TV hocking beef jerky, but Skunky can’t get a gig selling a bean? I personally think it goes back to the hygiene thing and that is discrimination.
I recently visited the museum with the intent of asking the pressing questions of “How do you know”, “where is your proof?”. Once I arrived, I quickly figured out that raising the ire of the people of swamp while I was, in fact, standing in their swamp might not be a good life choice and I am all ’bout good life choices (insert eye roll here), so I kept my pie hole shut, smiled and nodded a lot.
What does this have to do with me?
As you may know, I have an inquiring (NOSEY!) mind. When I read that a place I wanted to visit near the Ocala National Forest had a history of sightings, I thought this would be a great time to investigate the Lima Bean theory.
Below are some photos and information on the high tech methods I used in attempt to capture one of these elusive creatures.
As you can see in the above picture, no expense was sparred on the expedition. The trap did not come with the natural camouflage out of the box (get it?), so I took the initiative to attach the natural flora so it would blend better into the surroundings.
I did realize that I was not informed on the preferred method of preparation of the beans, so I decided to keep them in the natural state that they come in at the grocery.
As you can see by this picture, I was totally focused and prepared to spend to the long hours to get you the results you deserve. You know what they say about best plans. After about 20 minutes I had not captured a skunk or an ape, much less a skunk ape. I began to question my methodology….and it was hot. I don’t mean normal hot. I mean like abnormal hot.
I decided to regroup and reevaluate my plan in general.
Here is a photo of the masterfully designed trap placement and my hidden observation point.
My take aways from this first investigation:
1) My next Florida Skunk Ape Investigation will take place in January…in Alaska. The temp was 94. UV index 9 and no breeze at all. My guess is that the heat index was 110 or better in the woods.
2) Pack a damn lunch! Eating gas station Subway in the middle of nowhere is like playing Russian Roulette. This one might not get you, but eventually your luck will run out.
The search will continue and I will bring you all the details! Unless, I get killed by a skunk ape, bit by a snake, contact Zika, get eaten by an alligator or develop common sense.
Until then, keep your eyes open and your nose in the air. You never know when you might get a whiff of a hairy hominid!
